THE GOODS BLOG: Erika's Precious Little Life - March Edition

Like I shared yesterday, we are moving back to Edmonton. It’s never a dull moment around here, I guess.

Now I’m going to attempt to tackle this blog entry and all of the various emotions wrapped up within it.

BioWare flew us to Edmonton, the first time that I’d been there in about 2 years. It felt good to be back immediately - almost surprisingly good. It felt like a breath of fresh air. Being reunited with my Edmonton friends was the best part and I was overcome with how much I missed them. Everything felt right again.

The whole visit was excellent in so many ways and was exactly what I needed. We got reacquainted with Edmonton and enjoyed seeing which things were different and which things were the same. Tim had his meeting with BioWare and he thought that it went really well and that everyone was very interested in everything that he was proposing.

(They also put us in a very fancy hotel (JW Marriott Edmonton ICE District) and it was an amazing experience. By far the best hotel service that I’d ever received before.)

Family dinner. <3

I returned home feeling very clear about Edmonton and what we must do.

Valentine’s Day happened! I enjoy how we try to make all of the holidays a little bit special for Archie. He woke up to some Valentine’s treats, we all went out for a ramen date, and Tim and I had some actual romance after Archie was in bed. (We busted out the Swarovski flutes and everything.)

Since things were beginning to look like we were going to be moving away from Toronto, we began to tackle the list of things that we want to see and do in the city. For example, I’d never gone skating at Nathan Phillips Square before and it seems like an iconic “rite of passage” type of thing to do. (It’s like Toronto’s equivalent to New York City’s Rockefeller Center.) So we did it!

We will be doing a lot more “Toronto things” in the coming weeks.

Tim heard back from BioWare pretty quickly and they made him an offer. It was a very good offer. We spent a lot of serious time discussing all of the aspects of this decision, including looking at our budget in Toronto compared to what our budget would look like in Edmonton. The choice started to become increasingly obvious.

Tim took Archie to London for a night (to help out with his parents) which was a really nice break for me. I had a girls day with my Toronto friends which was a ton of fun, except that I was dreading telling them about all of the Edmonton news. Honestly, the one and only thing that upsets me about leaving Toronto again is leaving these girls (again). It really breaks my heart. The time that we have had to reconnect and spend together on a regular basis has meant the world to me. You guys are the OGs in my life and no one can replace what you mean to me. ♥

We went to the family cottage in Muskoka and NO ONE ELSE ended up joining us. Which was super weird. It was the first (and only) time that this has happened. And it was amazing! Everything was so peaceful and quiet! I loved having the whole place all to ourselves.

After a bit of negotiating, Tim accepted BioWare’s offer. It just seemed like the right thing to do in order for us to live the kind of life that we want and for us to have a brighter future.

Over the month, I journaled about my feelings. I went through a roller coaster of emotions, some days not wanting to move at all and other days wanting to move immediately.

Here is a big long rambling pile of all the things that I’ve been working through:

~ My feelings about this whole Edmonton situation are so complicated that I don’t even really know how I feel at all.

Moving to Edmonton isn’t the problem. In fact, I actually feel pretty excited about the idea. I’ve always loved Edmonton. When we moved away in the first place it wasn’t about “running away” from Edmonton, we were sad to leave. It was about the desire to use our opportunities to experience something new.

~ My life in Edmonton will be completely new and different because I’m living a completely new and different life from when I lived there before. I’m now a stay at home mom, which is an entirely new life dynamic compared to when I previously lived in Edmonton. So although I’m very familiar and comfortable in Edmonton, there is still going to be a learning curve. I’ve never lived in Edmonton as a mom.

~ I’m tired of always thinking “this is really it” and then it never is. It’s draining to me that we’re always chasing Tim’s career dreams and each time it turns out that it still isn’t good enough. There’s always something more to chase. There’s never any ultimate satisfaction. Building an entire life in a city is a lot of work and it’s extremely disheartening to have those roots pulled up again and again. I’m not someone who does things halfway. When we move to a new city I MOVE US IN. We have never lived anywhere with one foot out the door. I get us settled in on every level imaginable. It’s a massive job.

~ Ultimately, I still thought that we wanted to live in Vancouver most of all. I thought that we would only move again if it was to return to Vancouver on better terms. I really believed that that was our ultimate goal. But Vancouver poses the exact same financial difficulties that Toronto does, unfortunately. I kind of feel that I’ve reached a point where I need to let the ocean go… And at least I can still have the mountains.

~ I think that Edmonton is going to feel small to me now. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s actually the perfect size. Small enough to establish a happy, comfortable and affordable life. Small enough to actually get to experience everything without being overwhelmed by a hundred different options. But big enough to still be a major city that contains all of the types of things that I enjoy to have available in a big metropolitan place. A population of 1.4 million isn’t exactly a tiny town.

~ Part of me loves that this is who we are as people. We’re nomads. We’re residents of Canada – not just of one city. We’re resilient and adaptable. Part of me certainly loves this identity. We have been fortunate enough to experience so many different places and to really integrate our lives into each one. I am so grateful to live with my eyes wide open, drinking in each new adventure.

~ “After 9.5 years, I am leaving Edmonton today. I can't say enough about everything that this city and my experiences here have done for me. I love this city and it has allowed me to live my ideal life. Very sad to close this chapter. I'll miss you all.” – January 11th, 2014

~ I’m sad because Toronto is supposed to be my home. It’s where I’m from. Except that it doesn’t really feel like home, which makes me feel like I’m letting myself down.

~ After spending the weekend in Edmonton I think that I’m ready to return home. I’m starting to see that Edmonton has been my home all along. The city itself really impressed me. It has come such a long way! I haven’t lived in Edmonton in 6 years and I haven’t visited in 2 years, and in that time I really feel that the city has matured a lot. It’s behaving a lot more the way that a major city does and I feel like a proud mom whose child has grown up and become a lovely adult. The downtown is so much more alive and interesting and vibrant compared to what it ever was. There are beautiful big murals around the city that look just like the ones that you’d see in Montreal or Vancouver or Toronto. You can see the ownership and care that has gone into the individual neighbourhoods like Old Strathcona, 124th Ave, and Ritchie – especially in the way that they decorate the streets in lights at night. These are the things that big cities do and Edmonton is finally doing them. The city felt new to me. But it also felt the same in other ways. It was comforting and familiar, offering for me to easily slide back in to a life that I already loved. This city feels like the right size. It’s small enough to get around easily and big enough to contain all of the big city benefits. It might be the perfect blend of the best of both worlds. I think I needed to leave Edmonton to really appreciate it. I’m tired of the expense and the traffic and the concrete.

But most of all, Edmonton feels like returning home to my family – the family that I have chosen for myself.

~ I think the Universe is sending me home. I feel incredibly drawn in this direction and it’s as if Edmonton is saying “you can have anything you want here, just come back and its yours.”

~ The truth is that no matter where I live, I am going to be leaving friends behind that are truly important to me. Except, isn’t this a wonderful problem to have? I have to remind myself that I am extremely fortunate to have so many special friendships scattered all throughout the country.

If you made it through all of that you’ll know exactly where my head is at.

We’re moving back to Edmonton and it’ll be happening around June. BioWare will be paying for all of the moving expenses, of course.

Here we go again, I guess.

Life with Archie:

This three year old is about to live in his FOURTH province. What even is his life?

He has now taken 23 flights.

I think Edmonton will be good for him. We’ll get to take him to the mountains all the time and I can’t wait for him to REALLY have the opportunity to learn how to snowboard. Literally all we want is for the three of us to be able to snowboard together. I’ve also already booked a camping trip for us in August in Jasper - at our favourite campground, on our favourite site. It really feels like I’m getting all of the things that I love back. And I can’t wait to share them with Archie.

Another thing that I’ve already done is I’ve registered Archie for preschool in Edmonton. He will be attending Green Circle Preschool, the only nature-based learning preschool in Edmonton, for the 2020-2021 school year. He will go two days a week (Tuesday & Thursday) from 9am-11:30am. I’m super excited that I got him in! He’ll have unstructured outdoor play and activities such as tending to the community garden, building forts, searching for nature treasures and exploring the wooded area outside the school. These are literally all of the things that I do with him now and it’s really important to me.

With two of his Edmonton friends!

Archie went skating for the first time ever this month and enjoyed a lot of tobogganing!

The biggest Archie news this month is that he finally made his first pee in his potty! We haven’t been pushing the potty at all and one day he asked to use it. I was shocked when he actually made a pee! We’re still not pushing it too much (and he’s still wearing diapers) but so far he’s been making 1-2 pees in his potty per day.

March is going to be all about figuring out the next few months of our life.

I’m also going to go see the musical Hamilton, which I am sooooo excited about!!!

There’s another Muskoka cottage weekend at the end of the month but I’m not sure if we’ll be going to this one or not.

No other major plans... Except that our entire life feels like major plans right now.

THIS MONTH’S SHOUT-OUTS!:

March 7th is Susan Murphy’s 38th birthday!

I’m coming back to Edmonton! Will you be there too?! I hope that you have a wonderful birthday to celebrate the wonderful person that you are. Because you’ve definitely been working overtime and deserve to feel very special! Love you! ♥

March 12th is Kristen Smith’s 36th birthday!

Welp, come visit me in Edmonton now? I’ll be hanging out with Trudy. Ha ha. I’m wishing you a super magnificent day of your birth and I hope that you are completely showered with love! I love you very much! ♥

March 19th is Sarah Swalm’s 9th wedding anniversary!

Wishing you and Adam a special time to celebrate! ♥